Oh Hell

A bead of sweat dripped from Jeremy’s forehead onto the green felt top of the pool table. He stepped back, wiped his brow with the handkerchief he kept in the rear pocket of his Wranglers, and then removed the rack.

“Don’t you have a/c in here?” He asked, as he readied himself for the break.

Matt adjusted the thermostat and stood by while Jeremy slammed the stick into the cue ball, successfully knocking three solids into the side pocket.

“Solids,” Jeremy confirmed. “Red ball in the corner pocket,” he added.

As he positioned himself to take the shot, the clock on the far wall came into focus. “Oh, hell,” he said as he crossed the room in three strides and grabbed his stick case.

Matt watched, confused, “What?”

“Katie is going to kill me.”

“For being at my house?”

“For being anywhere except home at 3:30 in the morning. Why didn’t you tell me it was getting so late?”

Jeremy unzipped the fanny pack he wore around his waste. He pulled out a pack of cigarettes, a lighter, and a baggie which contained a half eaten sandwich leftover from lunch. “Where the hell are my keys?” He asked while patting his front pockets. Not finding them, he dumped the contents of the bag onto the pool table. The keys came tumbling out, along with a folded piece of notebook paper. Jeremy unfolded the paper. Written in Katie’s impeccable writing, were the words, If you’re out past midnight, I won’t be here when you get home. Without bothering to say goodbye, Jeremy ran out the front door. The door slammed behind him as he raced to get home before Katie left him for good.

His hand trembled as he tried to insert the key into the ignition. He said a silent prayer that he wasn’t too late, and then chastised himself for his stupidity. When the engine came alive, Jeremy reversed onto Clairmont Street, turned left onto Bigalow, and then right onto Route 76. From here, it was a thirty minute drive to his house. He said another prayer and pushed harder on the accelerator.

As the miles clicked away Jeremy continued to batter himself with thoughts of his past actions. He wasn’t the player his wife thought he was, but he did like to play pool with Matt, James, and William. At least twice a week, the trio would stop by McPhee’s Pool Hall after work to play a couple of games. They always had a few beers, which sometimes turned into too many. It was one such night when Marcie walked through the door.

Jeremy was taking a break at the bar while Matt and William argued over a football game they played in high school. James was outside having a cigarette. It was then the front door squeaked open. All eyes followed the statuesque blonde as she made her way through the crowd of gawking men. She sat down on the empty stool beside Jeremy. She smiled, nodded a hello to Jeremy, and ordered a dirty martini. Jeremy was staring too, but not for the same reason as the others. This woman looked exactly like his mother would have in her mid twenties. She had high cheekbones, tiny ears, and her nose had that same Grecian quality as his mother’s.

The woman looked his way and said, “Hi. My name is Marcie. I’m here to relax after a long day at the office, not to be hit on, okay?”

Realizing he was staring, Jeremy came up with a witty response, “I’m married.” Feeling like an idiot, he tore his eyes away and stared straight ahead.

While inspecting the Budweiser sign on the wall, he wondered if this woman could be some long lost relative he knew nothing about, or perhaps his mother had given birth to a child and given her up for adoption. All sorts of questions whirled through his fuzzy brain. He shook his head in an effort to clear his addled mind, which caused him to spill his nearly full glass of beer. The amber liquid spread across the bar, heading toward the woman seated beside him. In an effort to rescue her from the river of beer, Jeremy grabbed her by the arm and hopped off the bar stool. As his foot hit the floor, it slid, causing him to lose his already precarious balance and fall sideways against the blonde. The blonde fell backward off the stool, Jeremy caught her enough to break her fall, but instead of pulling her upright, he fell on top of her. The couple slid across the wooden floor, ending up against a secluded wall, behind a large potted plant.

“Get off me, you clumsy drunk,” Marcie exclaimed.

As Jeremy struggled to untangle his watch from her hair, two feminine feet stopped beside them. His eyes traveled upward to meet the angry eyes of his wife, Katie.

While still lying atop the beautiful blonde, he came up with a brilliant explanation, “Th-this isn’t what it looks like. We fell.” Before the word fell could find its way out of his mouth, the exit door slammed shut behind Katie. He rolled off the woman, freeing her right hand, which had no problem finding his left cheek. She stood up, gave Jeremy a swift kick in the groin, and picked up her purse from the bar.

“He’s buying this round,” she said to the bartender, and then she was gone.

Katie spent the next week at her mother’s house. It took hours of groveling and a multitude of promises to get her to come back home. Now he had screwed everything up again. It didn’t matter how innocent he was, he had broken his promise never to be out past midnight.

Jeremy glanced at his watch, and then back up to see a truck stopped in front of him. He slammed on his brakes, stopping with barely an inch to spare. He honked the horn, and then covered his ears in an effort to avoid the offensive sound echoing around the tall buildings. He chastised himself for drinking too many beers. The truck didn’t move. Jeremy put the car in reverse, backed up, and pulled into the oncoming lane. It was blocked by a garbage truck. The one lowly worker seemed to move in slow motion as he picked up one of what looked like at least a dozen garbage cans waiting on the curb. Jeremy slammed his palms into the steering wheel, uttered a few choice words, and then put the car in reverse. Fortunately, he happened to look in the rear view mirror before taking his foot off the brake. He was blocked in.

Not one to wait patiently when under pressure, Jeremy unhooked the seatbelt. The buckle banged into the driver’s side door with enough force to cause a dent. Jeremy didn’t bother checking, instead he jerked open the door and got out. A few angry strides took him to the truck cab. The door stood open. The cab was empty. He ran back to his car while frantically motioning the car behind him to back up. Jeremy reversed, turned the wheel to the right, and pushed down hard on the accelerator. The car jumped the curb and sped off down the sidewalk. Once he passed the delivery truck, Jeremy turned the wheel toward the street. Unfortunately, he didn’t turn the wheel soon enough to avoid an open man-hole. The car tipped sideways, before coming to an abrupt halt. Regrettably, Jeremy’s head didn’t stop nearly as abruptly as the car. Blood streamed from the cut on his forehead as he climbed out of the car to assess the damage.

A tall man with a rotund abdomen stooped down to see inside the car, “You alright?”

“Yeah, help me out, would you?”

The man opened the car door and took Jeremy’s arm, supporting him as he tried to stand.

“What’s your hurry?” The man asked.

“I’m trying to get home before my wife divorces me,” Jeremy explained. Feeling stronger now, Jeremy reached into the back seat and pulled a sweat towel out of his gym bag. He held it up to his forehead to stop the bleeding. Hearing the distinct sound of the tire losing its air, he walked around to the front of the car. The front tire was totally flat and the wheel was bent. He kicked the fender, which caused another dent, and intense pain in his right foot. He hopped around for a minute or so before limping back to the driver’s side of the car.

“Want me to call a tow truck?”

“No! I want to talk to the driver of this delivery truck,” Jeremy said through clenched teeth.

“That would be me. What can I do for you?”

“Since you parked the damn thing in the middle of the street, you can take me home,” Jeremy demanded.

The man looked back and forth from the car to the truck, “Well, I’m finished here, so I guess I could drop you off. Where do you live?”

Jeremy waved his arm toward the north, “About ten miles that way.”

“Okay. Get in.”

The truck rumbled off down the street, rattling and banging as it picked up speed. Jeremy wasn’t satisfied with how fast the driver was going, so he proceeded to prod him, “Can’t this bucket of bolts go any faster?”

“Look buddy, I’m the one doing you a favor here. What’s so all fired important at home anyway?”

“My wife is leaving me.”

“And that’s a bad thing? I’d be doing cartwheels if mine decided to leave.”

Jeremy glanced at the man’s rotund middle. For an instant, he felt like laughing at the mental vision of this toad-like man turning a cartwheel. The urge disappeared when he glanced at his watch. It was now quarter past four.

“I’m Frank, by the way.” When Jeremy didn’t answer, he continued with, “You got a name?”

“Jeremy.”

“Well, Jeremy. What is it you did to make your wife want to leave?”

“I broke a promise.”

“Wow, your wife is strict. If mine left every time I didn’t do what I said I was going to do, she wouldn’t ever be home.”

“She thinks I cheated on her,” Jeremy said, and then quickly added, “But I didn’t. It was a situation that would have looked bad to anyone that wasn’t there from the beginning, and she wasn’t.”

“What makes you think she won’t be home?”

Jeremy unzipped the fanny pack and pulled out the note, more to refresh his memory than give Frank an explanation. He read it aloud, “If you’re out past midnight, I won’t be here when you get home.”

“Sounds like she means business.”

“Katie doesn’t make idle threats. Turn left by the Windsor Park sign,” he directed.

Frank applied the brakes and turned on the left turn signal.

As the truck started up the street, Jeremy said, “It’s the fourth house on the right. I don’t see her car.” Frank stopped the truck in front of the dark house, and Jeremy jumped to the ground, “Wait here.”

Inside, Jeremy flipped on the lights as he went from room to room. He slid open the closet door. She still had clothes in the closet, but there were gaps. His eyes immediately went to the rack where she kept the suitcases. Two large ones were missing. He turned around to discover a large envelope on the bed. He ripped it open. The note said, I’m going to Sophie’s. I won’t be back. Brent will pick up the rest of my things and ship them to me.

Jeremy ran out the door, and hopped up into the truck, “Take me to the airport!”

“Now wait just a minute, that’s another ten miles from here.”

“I’ll pay you. She’s on her way to her sister’s.”

Frank put the truck in first gear and started off, all the while muttering something about crazy people coming out of the woodwork during a full moon. He glanced up to see the full moon dipping toward the horizon as dawn colored the sky a soft pink.

At the airport, Jeremy threw Frank a fifty dollar bill, which Frank promptly rejected. Jeremy tossed it back on the seat and took off running. He didn’t have time to argue over a few bucks. Inside, his eyes scanned the American Airlines terminal. It was more crowded than usual, so it took him a while to discern Katie wasn’t there. He started toward the gates, only to be brought up short by security. A burly security guard advised Jeremy he would need a ticket to go any further.

Jeremy found himself in line, purchasing a ticket to New York. The girl at the counter wouldn't tell him whether or not Katie took a flight out, but he was able to discern a New York flight was about to depart. He paid for his ticket with a credit card and made his way through security. He checked the gate number for the flight he hoped Katie was taking, and sprinted down the concourse. He arrived in time to see the plane pulling away from the gate.

Jeremy sat down on a seat near the window. Tears threatened his masculinity, as he watched the plane taxi toward the runway. He sat there staring for a few moments, and then slumped over, elbows on knees, head in hands. It was then he saw two feminine feet. His eyes started with the shoes he recognized as Katie’s; all the way up the face he loved more today than the day they married. He wondered why she didn’t look angry. In fact, she was smiling so wide crinkle lines formed beside her eyes. Her smile quickly changed to laughter.

Hearing more laughter behind him, Jeremy whipped his head around to find Matt, William, James, and their wives. Puzzled, Jeremy searched his wife’s face for answers.

“We’re going to Vegas Baby,” she said by way of explanation.

Behind him came a chorus of voices, “Happy birthday!”

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