The Good Life

This story is a continuation of Twinkle Toes Malone.  To read it, click HERE.

 Tonight, the moon would be full, which meant today would be the workday from Hades.  It started out pleasant enough.  Today was Brigitte’s early day.  The Courthouse was empty.  She logged on to her computer and began running the weekly report, which is what requires her to come in early once a week.  She clicked the correct links, and then leaned back in her chair to wait for the printer to print the preview.  Once that was done, she would correct any errors and send it through again.

As Brigitte waited for the report, she contemplated life in Podunkville, Illinois.  With the excitement of the circus life behind them, Brigitte and Lilliah had relocated at the request of Giselle and Elvira who had moved here two years ago.  They loved living in Podunkville and convinced their friends they would love it, too.  Sadly, they didn’t.  This tiny town was just plain dull.  What the town needed was more excitement like last night, but alas, there wouldn’t be any fun today.  Today was a work day.

While waiting on the report, Brigitte leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes.  As they always did, her thoughts strayed to Matthew Whitcomb, a.k.a. Mr. Lexus, a.k.a. Ken the Clown, the love of her life.  Matthew, where are you?  If you are alive, why haven’t you called?  Brigitte queried silently.  Matthew didn’t answer.  The copier clicked, bumped, and then began a rhythmic whir as it spit out the one hundred sixty plus pages of the report.  Brigitte brushed a tear away with the back of her hand, and got to work.

Brigitte was in the middle of reviewing the report when she heard muffled footsteps out in the hallway.  She glanced at the clock.  It was too early for Giselle and Elvira, and way too early for the always tardy Lilliah.  It could have been Jillian stopping by her office across the hall.  She sometimes stopped by to drop off her briefcase before heading over to the coffee shop, but Jillian wore spike heels, which made a distinctive clickity-clacking sound.  Besides, Brigitte hadn’t heard the echo of the door closing.  The hair on the back of her neck stood up, gooseflesh rose on her arms, and her hands shook.  She held her breath, trying to be as quiet as possible.  A shadow passed the door.  Certain it was Herman, one of the courthouse ghosts, Brigitte screamed. 

It was time to leave.  Brigitte slowly picked up her keys, tiptoed to the open doorway, and peeked through the crack.  One of the hinges blocked her view, so she stooped slightly.  What she saw wasn’t a ghost; it was a man carrying a large suitcase.  When he turned to start up the stairs, Brigitte breathed a sigh of relief, “Tobias!  What are you doing here so early?”  Tobias sat down on the bottom step, propped his elbows on his knees, and hid his face in his hands, “I didn’t think anyone would be here.  I came to get my tools.  I’m leaving town.”

Brigitte came out into the hallway, “What?  Leaving town, when, why?”

“You have to ask after last night?”

Brigitte couldn’t help herself, she started laughing.  Not one of those tiny little giggles, but a full blown belly laugh.  She laughed so hard she had to sit down to keep from falling down.  Tobias scooted over to make room.  Brigitte laughed until she was gasping for breath.  Finally she cleared her throat, wiped her eyes on the back of her hand again, and slowly got control.  “But—but—why are you leaving town?”

“I can’t face everyone after last night,” Tobias said.

“After last night?  What does that have to do with your leaving town?”

“The pink tutu.”

“The pink tutu?”

“Yes, the pink tutu?  How can I face everyone?  I’ll be a laughingstock.”

Brigitte couldn’t help herself.  She had to laugh, all the while pinching herself to keep from an all out rolling on the floor kind of laugh.  “Wh-what do you mean?”  She managed to say.  “That was the best Halloween costume ever!  You were the hit of the party!  Who would have thought a macho man such as yourself would have donned a pink tutu just to entertain us.”  Brigitte stopped laughed.  Her smile faded, “Oh.  I’m sorry.”

“Sorry about what?”

Brigitte clapped a hand over her mouth, “Are you gay? Is that it?”

Tobias whipped his head around, “NO!  I’m NOT gay!  Who said I was?  Did somebody say I was?”

Holding up her hand to halt Tobias’ tirade, Brigitte answered, “No, no one thinks you’re gay.  I just thought—well, you know—that you had—come out last night—or something.  You don’t look gay or act gay, but since you were so upset, I thought maybe…”

“Well, I’m NOT!”

“You sure?  You did perform those complicated ballet moves as if you knew what you were doing.”

“I said I’m NOT gay!”

“Well, you must have practiced a lot to get those moves just right.”  Tobias was glaring at her, so Brigitte decided to stop questioning his sexuality, “Okay, okay.  I believe you.  But if you’re not gay, why are you leaving?”

“The people in this town are going to think the same thing you were thinking,” Tobias explained.  “Can you keep a secret?”

Brigitte nodded.

“My mom made me take ballet classes.  I may not be a Baryshnikov, but I am good.  No, I’m more than good, I have talent, but people around here wouldn’t get it.”

“No, they wouldn’t.  But, I talked to the girls earlier.  No one thought you were gay, or weird.  They were all impressed.  None of us have seen anyone so talented at flying through the air since we left the circus.  We decided someone with your talent would have been perfect for Jaydra, may she rest in peace, and Lilliah’s trapeze act.  Stay.  You don’t have anything to worry about.  People are in awe of your skill, nothing else.  You are, and always will be, the courthouse hero.”

“Really?”

“Really.  Now go put that stuff in your truck and get back in here.  I’ll make you a nice cup of hot chocolate before time to get to work.  There’s an awful lot of toilet paper to clean out of those trees.”

Tobias stooped over to pick up the suitcase, “Maybe I’ll leave town after all.”

“Oh no you don’t.  You’re not going anywhere.  Who would clean up that mess if you took off?”

“Not me,” Tobias muttered before the door slammed shut behind him.

Beatrice watched until Tobias tossed the suitcase into the truck and started back up the sidewalk before going upstairs to the employee kitchen.    

                                                          **

Back at her desk with a steaming mug of hot chocolate laced with a splash, or two, of Amaretto, Brigitte was ready for the day.  She glanced at the clock, 8:05 a.m.  Where is everyone, Brigitte wondered.  It was then she heard the clang of the west door, followed by the expected thud of Lilliah’s hind quarter slamming into the wall, as she turned to make sure the door closed behind her.  Brigitte heard a key slide into the lock on the east door, open tentatively, and the soft tap of Elvira’s footsteps, followed by the louder clomps of Jillian’s fashionable heels.  After the usual greetings, the phone started ringing.  Yes, the day was about to get underway.

“Good Morning, Podunkville Courthouse,” Brigitte said into the phone.  It was then she heard an extremely loud crash.  Turning slightly, while trying to understand a foreigner butcher the English language, Brigitte pinched herself to keep from laughing.  It seems Lilliah had overturned her chair, or stool, a mere chair wasn’t capable of holding her huge hummer-like backside.  The stool tipped backward, and if not for the abundance of Lilliah’s elongated derriere which held the stool at an angle, would have fallen to the floor.  As it was, Lilliah’s arms and legs were flailing about in an attempt to regain here seat.  She looked suspiciously like a capsized turtle.  Brigitte couldn’t help it, a laugh sneaked out, which caused the non-English speaking person on the phone to scream a few words of his native tongue before slamming the receiver down in Brigitte’s ear. 

Elvira came around the corner of her cubical to see what the commotion was all about, gave Brigitte a disapproving look, and grabbed Lilliah’s hand to help her up.  This, of course, was a mistake, a HUGE mistake.  The force of Lilliah’s tug sent Elvira flying over her head.  She flew through the air as if she were a flyer in their now defunct circus act.  Narrowly missing the wall, she flew through the doorway into the file room, landing face first against one of the tall filing cabinets.  With a domino effect, that file cabinet fell into the one behind it, and that cabinet fell into the one behind it, and so on until all the filing cabinets were stacked one on top of the other.

Beatrice slammed the rest of her chocolate, pulled a half empty bottle of Ameretto out of a file folder marked Felonies, and took another gulp before using all her might to push Lilliah upright. 

Hearing the catastrophic crash from outside, Tobias, forgetting he was on the town square where everyone could see, performed a flawless grand jeté off the ladder he was using to extract toilet paper from the trees.  He remembered after he landed in a plié, but before he would have danced a pas de chat (step of the cat), toward the courthouse doors.  Looking around to see if anyone saw his graceful decent from the ladder, he decided to walk instead.

Once inside, he nearly ran Jillian down as she rushed toward Elvira’s shrieks.  They tried to squeeze through the door at the same time, which plugged the doorway.  Brigitte came to their aid, shoving Tobias backward, which allowed Jillian to enter first. 

“Always let a lady enter the room first,” Brigitte admonished.

Tobias scrambled up and they all, with the exception of Lilliah, went inside the file room.  Lilliah just couldn’t constrict her backside enough to get through the door.  By this time, Elvira was furious.  She glared at Tobias and addressed him through clinched teeth, “Get me down from here!”

“I’ll need a ladder.  Be right back!”  He said, as he attempted to exit the file room.  Unfortunately, Lilliah blocked his way.  “Excuse me,” he said.

Lilliah leaned left to let Tobias pass.  Tobias turned sideways in order to squeeze by.  When he was about halfway through the doorway, Elvira screamed, which caused Lilliah to swing back around.  Her backside rammed Tobias in the stomach, knocking the breath out of him, while flinging him through the air like a cannonball shot out of a cannon.  He flew through the open doorway, out into the hall, and through the open courtroom door.  Unfortunately, court was in session.  He landed on his back in the middle of the third row, right on top of some tattooed woman, who smelled like old beer and butt crack.  She smiled provocatively while giving Tobias a tweak on his exposed belly.  Tobias told himself to move, yet he couldn’t.  He was mesmerized by a single, motley gray tooth, the only one remaining.  He assumed the rest fled to get away from the stench. 

Amid cat calls and laughter, the entire collection of miscreants stood to give Tobias a standing ovation.  The Judge banged the gavel, “Quite in the courtroom!  Tobias!  Do you mind?  Court is in session.  Please leave immediately, or I’ll find you in contempt.”         

The woman leaned close, “Wait for me outside—hon-ey.”

Her odiferous breath reminded Tobias of dead carrion, which helped to get him moving.  Trying not to gag, he jumped up.  In farewell, he admonished, “Watch out for buzzards!”

                                                         **

Tobias ran outside, but the ladder was gone.  One of those felons probably stole it while I was inside, he muttered to himself.  Tobias returned to find Elvira dangling from the top of the overturned stack of filing cabinets.  One arm was all that kept her from falling to the cold, hard floor below.  The other flailed about in an attempt to find a finger-hold.  Jillian and Beatrice stood nearby, staring, open-mouthed, as Elvira teetered on the edge of death.  Tobias looked around for some way to help Elvira.  Just then, Lilliah peeked around the corner.

Tobias asked her to move out of the way.  He maneuvered his way around Lilliah’s tonnage, and said, “Go inside the vault!”

“I can’t,” She said. 

“Do as I say,” ordered Tobias.

“Okay,” Lilliah said. 

Lilliah faced the doorway.  Tobias walked to the far side of the room and headed for Lilliah’s backside, shoulder first, as if she were a wooden door in need of knocking down.  Upon impact, there was a sound like a watermelon being sucked into a pop bottle.  Lilliah was through.  Unable to slow down, Lilliah banged into the stack of cabinets.  Elvira fell on top of Lilliah, bounced twice, and then slid safely to the floor.  Tobias wasn’t quite so lucky.  He bounced off Lilliah’s rump, flew up into the air like a guided missile, struck the seal of the great state of Illinois, and slid down the wall.  Now he sat upright, yet unconscious, against the west wall.  The Courthouse Hero was unconscious.

Elvira raced to dial 911.  However, before the ambulance could drive across the street, seeing her new love in trouble, the gray toothed lady leaped across the counter to save Tobias.  She knelt down beside him and began performing mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.  Her unsavory breath acted as smelling salts, yanking Tobias out of his unconscious state.  He woke to see one motley gray tooth surrounded by crusty lips heading directly toward his mouth.  He jerked his head sideways to avoid contact, which caused Ms. Gray Tooth to place her slobbery lips on his left ear.  Placing his hands on her shoulders, Tobias moved the woman back enough to get a foothold.  With one shove of his size 12 shoe, she landed on top of the file cabinets along the east wall.  Her motley gray tooth was now embedded in her bottom lip.  Blood dripped down her chin, onto her filthy white t-shirt, highlighting the words, Shit Happens.

Tobias, now upright, ran past Lilliah, who was still flailing about trying to get comfortable in her chair, Elvira, who stared, openmouthed, at Ms. Gray Tooth, and Beatrice who called out, “Where are you going, Tobias?”  Tobias didn’t stop to answer.  He barely touched the floor as he ran outside.  Beatrice watched him fling the gear shift into reverse, back out, and squeal his tires and he headed for the highway.  She continued watching as he faded from sight.  In her heart she knew, Tobias was off in search of the good life.  The Courthouse Hero was gone…

VISIT SUNDAY SCRIBBLINGS